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Don’t Send 30,000 Troops Mr. President. I Have Your Solution.
Dear President Obama...
Before you send 15,000 fewer troops to Afghanistan that your general on the ground has requested I urge you to adopt an entirely new strategy in the War Against Terror. During the campaign you said you would go after Osama bin Laden instead of continuing the war in Iraq. Now after many weeks of debate about how many troops to send you have come to a conclusion that 30,000 will do just fine instead.
But before you commit more brave soldiers to this cause I ask you to not only not send those 30,000 but to withdraw all of those soldiers in harms way right now. No, I am not suggesting we give up the War Against Terror but instead take a new strategy. Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.
Immigration Reform
Mr. President you can solve two problems at once by simply using this War Against Terror to your advantage. The Republicans on the hill are concerned about the cost of providing health insurance to illegal aliens in this country if the new health car reform bill passes. Meanwhile, our friend President Karzai in Afghanistan is falling short of pickers in the poppy fields due to the fighting in his country. Why don’t we send our illegal aliens to Afghanistan to pick the poppy crop? This will solve two problems with one simple executive action.
Propaganda War Instead
While there is no doubt our brave troops have won every battle in the War Against Terror it will be hard to win the war because we are losing the propaganda battle. We can turn the tide by offering some of the captured Al Queda leaders great deals for turning on their leader Osama bin Laden.
Having Khalid Sheikh Mohammed give an exclusive interview to Al Jazeera after his amazing escape from American custody will win over hearts and souls in the Islamic world. Mohammed can tell Al Jazeera that bin Laden secretly loves eating pork and had a child with a Jewish woman named Nasiya. After bin Laden is hunted down by his own, then Khalid Sheikh Mohammed can get his own reality television show and live happily ever after with 72 virgins here on Earth.
Pork Bombs
Once again Mr. President you can accomplish two wonderful things in one executive order. The Pork Producers of America are looking for a way to boost the prices for their members and you need to figure out a way to flush Osama bin Laden from his hidden lair. Why not bomb with pork products? The use of live pigs inserted into every cave in Afghanistan and Northwest Pakistan might also prove useful.
Since bin Laden only seems concerned with the retribution of Allah and not the US Army this might be a useful way to find this killer while also doubling prices of pork. It is well known that spending on one pork roast can have a trickle down effect starting with apple sauce producers and ending up revitalizing Main Street USA one pig at a time. Yes, we will offend some law abiding Muslims too, but at least we won’t be causing any more deaths with stray bombs. It is also easier to clean up after a driveby porking than bombing.
It has been puzzling why, with all of our technology and resources, we have not been able to find a six-feet four-inch tall Muslim on dialysis but I digress. Mr. President I wish you and your family the best of holiday greetings. I know this has been a tough job in the past 11 months, but I have faith that you can accomplish your campaign promises with a little help from us Americans.
God Bless,
smileyrose
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